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"Nice Ox."

2/12/2020

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1,000 Reasons I'm Going To Hell is a blog series that explores my life as a non-believer in a believer's world. I'll share stories of everyday interactions with eternal consequences. Whether it's making my mom cry, shocking an unsuspecting nun or staring down a power-hungry pastor, I'll share all my flawed moments for your judgment. You can laugh with me, set me straight or put me on your prayer list. Just, please, don't tell God where to find me.

Reason #24 I Covet

Last week we covered one of the seven deadly sins. I probably should have ranked it higher, as the term "deadly sins" does suggest a bit of karmic importance. But, as I said, gluttony just ain't that big an issue for me.

Still, there's only seven of them, and I should have ranked it higher. That in mind, I've run this week's "sin" up the list. Not because it's a HUGE problem for me, but because God deemed it important enough to carve it into stone. If I remember correctly (Google? I don't need no stinkin' Google), God even thought so much of it, he made a pretty big show about delivering this particular set of instructions: casting Charlton Heston and dropping some cash on production values (that burning bush is a definite Old Testament highlight.)

This week we're talking about one of the 10 Commandments.  

Specifically, #10 on God's greatest hits list: Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor's.

As I was reading through this list of spiritual no-no's, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Don't care about his wife. Happy with mine, thank you very much.

He doesn't have a manservant, nor a maidservant.

We're clear on the ox thing. Though, if he did have an ox, I might have a problem.

His ass is his. I've got my own.

It's not until we get to the final unfairly broad phrase that problems arise: "or anything that is your neighbor's." Damn. I can't want the quad runner? Or, the kayak? Not the lake house, the 950-cc motorcycle OR the jet ski? That's rough.

It's not like I'm desperate for any of them. I, too, could have a kayak I never use. A 950-cc motorcycle is just a bad idea for me. I'm not sure his jet ski even starts, and the quad runner doesn't even have brakes. (Sure, that makes it MORE exiting. For a short spell anyway. Still, it's not a sin-inducing item.)

Funny thing is... we're golfing buddies. And, what does he tell me all the time? "Man, you got it going on. Living the good life over there."

He's right.

I'm happy with what I have. And, I'm happy I've got a neighbor who will gladly lend me anything he has. It's the perfect scenario.

But, what if he gets a pool table? And, what if he puts that pool table in his living room? 

Those two things happen, I'm cooked. Put me on the rotisserie and call our fiery friend. 'Cause I'm definitely gonna covet.


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    1,000 Reasons I'm Going To Hell 
    A blog by Paul Knauer

    Screenwriter, humorist and generally all-around good guy Paul Knauer's spiritual fate has been determined. He knows it because the world keeps reminding him.

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