The Junk Drawer: If I don't have another place on the site for a piece of material, it goes here.
Please, dig in. All I ask, if you find the key to the padlock that separates me from my bocce set, please let me know.
I'm lucky...
In 7.59 billion years the sun becomes a red giant star, evaporates our oceans, and returns the earth to a molten state. I feel sorry for people who don't have basements.
Signs I Worked Too Long In Broadcasting:
Through the course of my day, I find remnants of my broadcasting career. I thought I might share a few.
To this day, I...
1. Retain an annoying tendency to announce my movements. "Lunch in five minutes. Details, after this quick break."
2. Am still more comfortable eating in front of a computer screen than at the dinner table.
3. Maintain the ability to sing jingles for 97% of all Kansas City businesses.
4. Am annoyed when the network news begins and my car clock doesn't immediately snap to double zeros.
5. Only trust digital clocks. And, only if they display the seconds.
6. Consistently dream that I'm at the control board and nothing works as it should. (This one takes many forms: press one button and every element fires- which, thanks to static electricity, actually happened to me more than once. Or, commercial break is coming and I have nothing ready. In this dream, I keep grabbing five second elements, barely staying ahead of the content.)
7. Have a closet stuffed with old reels. As if I'm ever going to be around another reel-to-reel machine.
8. Experience seizures whenever I see CNN headline news. (Too many fill-in overnight shifts where you hear the same story 78 times in an 8-hour span. You think being trapped in an empty, snow-bound hotel will make you crazy...)
9. Still consider donuts a major food group. Followed closely by bagels.
10. Am annoyed by bits that don't wrap up in nice, neat packages. (It's why this list had to be ten items long.)
To this day, I...
1. Retain an annoying tendency to announce my movements. "Lunch in five minutes. Details, after this quick break."
2. Am still more comfortable eating in front of a computer screen than at the dinner table.
3. Maintain the ability to sing jingles for 97% of all Kansas City businesses.
4. Am annoyed when the network news begins and my car clock doesn't immediately snap to double zeros.
5. Only trust digital clocks. And, only if they display the seconds.
6. Consistently dream that I'm at the control board and nothing works as it should. (This one takes many forms: press one button and every element fires- which, thanks to static electricity, actually happened to me more than once. Or, commercial break is coming and I have nothing ready. In this dream, I keep grabbing five second elements, barely staying ahead of the content.)
7. Have a closet stuffed with old reels. As if I'm ever going to be around another reel-to-reel machine.
8. Experience seizures whenever I see CNN headline news. (Too many fill-in overnight shifts where you hear the same story 78 times in an 8-hour span. You think being trapped in an empty, snow-bound hotel will make you crazy...)
9. Still consider donuts a major food group. Followed closely by bagels.
10. Am annoyed by bits that don't wrap up in nice, neat packages. (It's why this list had to be ten items long.)
Movie Ideas:
Can't decide if I should write these scripts or not. Thought I'd throw them out there.
Björk Perplexity: An Icelandic singer/spy awakens, floating in a sea of fans, unsure of her identity and questioning her unexplained popularity.
Star Truck: James Turk and his Elven friend, Speck, buy a new truck, only to discover that it's so powerful it can launch into space. The only limit to their exploration is poor gas mileage. (This could also be done as a submarine story: UF-150.)
Björk Perplexity: An Icelandic singer/spy awakens, floating in a sea of fans, unsure of her identity and questioning her unexplained popularity.
Star Truck: James Turk and his Elven friend, Speck, buy a new truck, only to discover that it's so powerful it can launch into space. The only limit to their exploration is poor gas mileage. (This could also be done as a submarine story: UF-150.)
Flu-induced Haze Lifting
As day eight of my influenza crisis dawns, I feel... better. So, in an attempt to fool my system into believing the flu has been defeated, despite thermatic evidence to the contrary, I am attempting to resume my regular writing and posting schedule. In short, the website will be updated regularly this week. Flu willing. (Yes, I know, thermatic is not a word, but, when you have a fever, you are allowed to make up words. It's one of the few benefits. That, and you get to use extra commas.)
Staying Grounded: Humbled By Holy Jeans
Learned a lesson. Again.
Yesterday, the BlueCat Screenplay Workshop came to Kansas City. It was a chance to put my work in front of a Hollywood pro, and, not to be discounted, thirteen other writers of varying levels of experience. In short, a bunch of people who know what they are doing were going to see my very first feature-length project, and give me feedback. Banjo Superstar was going public, and I had no idea if my script, or my ego would survive the process.
I'm happy to report, the script had a good day.
It was well-received, changes were suggested, compliments exchanged. However, just when I was feeling like I had survived intact, this happened:
Yesterday, the BlueCat Screenplay Workshop came to Kansas City. It was a chance to put my work in front of a Hollywood pro, and, not to be discounted, thirteen other writers of varying levels of experience. In short, a bunch of people who know what they are doing were going to see my very first feature-length project, and give me feedback. Banjo Superstar was going public, and I had no idea if my script, or my ego would survive the process.
I'm happy to report, the script had a good day.
It was well-received, changes were suggested, compliments exchanged. However, just when I was feeling like I had survived intact, this happened:
The lesson: if you're a screenwriter and you start to feel good about what you're doing, check your pants. It's that moment when you don't feel naked, that you most likely are. I was surrounded by colleagues, sharing a room with Gordy Hoffman, with only my undergarments between me and a half moon. To update, the score is currently: Screenwriting 73 Paul 0 |
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The Difference Between Radio and Writing. (An occasional, ongoing series highlighting the oddities of both my former career and my current one.)
Today's topic: Donuts
Writing: If there's a donut sitting on my desk, I get to eat it.
Radio: Are you kidding me? You can't get a donut all the way to your desk (assuming you have a desk).
No person who has spent any time at all in a radio station underestimates the risk you take carrying around a donut.
When it comes to donuts, radio stations are concealed carry, and even then it's risky. Donuts have a smell. A very good smell. And broadcasters have a highly-developed sense of donut smell.
Donuts do not survive radio stations. I heard a story once of a long john surviving half eaten, but I don't believe it. In fact, if you told me that you spotted Sasquatch eating a donut in a radio station, I'd believe that before I believed a story of donut survival.
How bad is it? If someone wanted to sneak into a radio station, all they'd have to do is open the door slightly, roll in a donut, then quietly walk past the pile of people fighting over it.
If grenades were made of donuts, broadcasters would all be heroes.
If a broadcaster made a list of the most valuable items in a radio station, it would look like this:
1. Donuts
2. Other free food
3. Anything else that's free
4. Millions of dollars worth of broadcasting equipment
Radio: Are you kidding me? You can't get a donut all the way to your desk (assuming you have a desk).
No person who has spent any time at all in a radio station underestimates the risk you take carrying around a donut.
When it comes to donuts, radio stations are concealed carry, and even then it's risky. Donuts have a smell. A very good smell. And broadcasters have a highly-developed sense of donut smell.
Donuts do not survive radio stations. I heard a story once of a long john surviving half eaten, but I don't believe it. In fact, if you told me that you spotted Sasquatch eating a donut in a radio station, I'd believe that before I believed a story of donut survival.
How bad is it? If someone wanted to sneak into a radio station, all they'd have to do is open the door slightly, roll in a donut, then quietly walk past the pile of people fighting over it.
If grenades were made of donuts, broadcasters would all be heroes.
If a broadcaster made a list of the most valuable items in a radio station, it would look like this:
1. Donuts
2. Other free food
3. Anything else that's free
4. Millions of dollars worth of broadcasting equipment
The Difference Between Radio and Writing. (An occasional, ongoing series highlighting the oddities of both my former career and my current one.)
Writing: I have already used the word "eschew" twice on this website without incident.
Radio: Use the word "eschew" once, four people will immediately say, "bless you" and one will dive for the dump button.
Radio: Use the word "eschew" once, four people will immediately say, "bless you" and one will dive for the dump button.
Into The Wild
Tough couple of days for our household.
If you've been following me on Twitter (@paulktweets), you already know that I allowed my goldfish Albert to get a pet rock (named Rocky). In hindsight, it was a bad idea.
In my defense, I was thorough in my research regarding goldfish and their pets. Most everybody knows that goldfish tend to be very responsible caregivers, but did you know that 83% of goldfish pets go on to have pets of their own?
Now, I understand that Albert is not your typical goldfish. He has flashes of mentally instability, is occasionally distant and is prone to ego-driven outbursts. However, he absolutely insisted that he would be a great pet owner. He made all the right promises and passed every one of my trust exercises.
I'm not stupid. I knew I was taking a chance, but I wanted to give him an opportunity to step up and be a better fish.
It only took three days for everything to fall completely apart. The fights between Albert and Rocky were colossal. The staring contests epic. Yesterday, more than feelings got hurt.
Rocky lost an eye.
It took a veterinarian two hours, a tube of superglue and a full roll of tape to reattach the eye. When I bought the pet rock, I expected to pay for shots and the occasional polishing, but I never expected a $450 eye surgery.
So, as soon as he is healed, I am releasing Rocky into the wild. It's important to point out that I have very carefully chosen a location. (I've already had PETA on my case regarding Albert, I don't need PETR involved, too.) I'll make sure he has everything needed to survive and thrive. (I should note, Rocky was raised in the wild, so he's used to the harsh environment.)
Of course, I'll have to make up a story to tell Albert. I just don't think he's mature enough to handle the loss of a pet. Even one he hates.
Please, wish me luck. The next few days are going to be even more difficult than the last few.
- Paul K
If you've been following me on Twitter (@paulktweets), you already know that I allowed my goldfish Albert to get a pet rock (named Rocky). In hindsight, it was a bad idea.
In my defense, I was thorough in my research regarding goldfish and their pets. Most everybody knows that goldfish tend to be very responsible caregivers, but did you know that 83% of goldfish pets go on to have pets of their own?
Now, I understand that Albert is not your typical goldfish. He has flashes of mentally instability, is occasionally distant and is prone to ego-driven outbursts. However, he absolutely insisted that he would be a great pet owner. He made all the right promises and passed every one of my trust exercises.
I'm not stupid. I knew I was taking a chance, but I wanted to give him an opportunity to step up and be a better fish.
It only took three days for everything to fall completely apart. The fights between Albert and Rocky were colossal. The staring contests epic. Yesterday, more than feelings got hurt.
Rocky lost an eye.
It took a veterinarian two hours, a tube of superglue and a full roll of tape to reattach the eye. When I bought the pet rock, I expected to pay for shots and the occasional polishing, but I never expected a $450 eye surgery.
So, as soon as he is healed, I am releasing Rocky into the wild. It's important to point out that I have very carefully chosen a location. (I've already had PETA on my case regarding Albert, I don't need PETR involved, too.) I'll make sure he has everything needed to survive and thrive. (I should note, Rocky was raised in the wild, so he's used to the harsh environment.)
Of course, I'll have to make up a story to tell Albert. I just don't think he's mature enough to handle the loss of a pet. Even one he hates.
Please, wish me luck. The next few days are going to be even more difficult than the last few.
- Paul K
NBC Debuts Hot New Show
Tuesday night I stumbled upon a new TV show.
It's not often that I see a new program and feel so compelled to immediately share it with my friends and family. But, this one was exceptional. It's called Decision 2012, and I recommend you check it out.
I didn't see any promos for the next episode (hello NBC, basic stuff here), but I assume it will be on Tuesday nights, maybe as the lead into Parenthood.
The lead characters, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney were, for the most part, believable and real.* Although, the Mitt Romney character, in particular, felt a bit muddled, like the writers weren't quite sure what they wanted the character to be. Overall, the storyline was compelling, (two seasoned politicians battling for the Presidency), if not a bit formulaic. I would have preferred some backstory and perhaps a bit more detail on their positions going forward, but for a pilot, it was fairly detailed.**
The gentleman playing Chuck Todd, a numbers geek thrust into the national spotlight with a fancy touchscreen counting gizmo, did a fantastic job, considering the challenges the writers gave him.***
I'm hoping future episodes involve the President's family a bit more. The Michelle Obama character could be explored quite a bit more. I'm thinking she's a potential breakout star (spinoff?). Perhaps future episodes will focus on her role as advisor to the President as well as the stresses on their relationship from life in the White House, a la The West Wing.
All in all, a good pilot. A bit long, but interesting enough that I want to see where they take the characters next week. Will Mitt Romney be able to recover? Does he become an ally, or will he become a constant thorn in the President's side? (Again, this could have been written tighter. Where were the writers?)
Grade: 8 out of 10.
The good: Strong characters, superb acting, interesting plot lines.
The bad: Too long, no credits, side characters need more development, title will be dated soon.
Outlook: Strong. However, if this show fails, you can always check out ABC's new show, "Election 2012"
*Again, NBC was short on details. They didn't list a single cast member's name, so I'll have to refer to them as their character names. Too bad, these actors did a terrific job and deserve credit.
**The pilot ran a little long. We finally turned it off a little after 1am, but it was fascinating. I hope every episode isn't this long.
*** This poor actor. Imagine, it's your first major acting gig, and the script calls for you to spend 8 hours in front of a giant iPad.
It's not often that I see a new program and feel so compelled to immediately share it with my friends and family. But, this one was exceptional. It's called Decision 2012, and I recommend you check it out.
I didn't see any promos for the next episode (hello NBC, basic stuff here), but I assume it will be on Tuesday nights, maybe as the lead into Parenthood.
The lead characters, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney were, for the most part, believable and real.* Although, the Mitt Romney character, in particular, felt a bit muddled, like the writers weren't quite sure what they wanted the character to be. Overall, the storyline was compelling, (two seasoned politicians battling for the Presidency), if not a bit formulaic. I would have preferred some backstory and perhaps a bit more detail on their positions going forward, but for a pilot, it was fairly detailed.**
The gentleman playing Chuck Todd, a numbers geek thrust into the national spotlight with a fancy touchscreen counting gizmo, did a fantastic job, considering the challenges the writers gave him.***
I'm hoping future episodes involve the President's family a bit more. The Michelle Obama character could be explored quite a bit more. I'm thinking she's a potential breakout star (spinoff?). Perhaps future episodes will focus on her role as advisor to the President as well as the stresses on their relationship from life in the White House, a la The West Wing.
All in all, a good pilot. A bit long, but interesting enough that I want to see where they take the characters next week. Will Mitt Romney be able to recover? Does he become an ally, or will he become a constant thorn in the President's side? (Again, this could have been written tighter. Where were the writers?)
Grade: 8 out of 10.
The good: Strong characters, superb acting, interesting plot lines.
The bad: Too long, no credits, side characters need more development, title will be dated soon.
Outlook: Strong. However, if this show fails, you can always check out ABC's new show, "Election 2012"
*Again, NBC was short on details. They didn't list a single cast member's name, so I'll have to refer to them as their character names. Too bad, these actors did a terrific job and deserve credit.
**The pilot ran a little long. We finally turned it off a little after 1am, but it was fascinating. I hope every episode isn't this long.
*** This poor actor. Imagine, it's your first major acting gig, and the script calls for you to spend 8 hours in front of a giant iPad.